We all know those women who always look perfect. Some are simply natural beauties who look fantastic no matter the outfit, humidity level, or lighting situation. Then there are the others who have never been caught in public (or in private, we will swear) without every hair, eyelash, and coordinating pumps-purse-pedicure in place.
I have never been accused of being any of these women.
Rather, I am the woman at the meeting who always looks like she is on her way to, or just coming back from, the gym. Even if I have no intention of exercising that day. My first glance in the mirror is often when I’m brushing my teeth…at night…and if I’m being completely honest, sometimes I’m quite horrified at the image I see…the image every single person I’ve encountered during the day has seen.
That being said, it may surprise you (and many of those lucky people encountering me on my worst days) that I actually do have a pretty high standard for myself in terms of my appearance.
Here it is: I want to be 15 minutes away from being fabulous, at all times.
As long as I know that, within 15 minutes, I can transform myself into something sexy and attractive (well, at least to my husband), I can walk through my day, and my grocery store, with confidence and pride, despite the oatmeal on my shirt and greasy ponytail from yesterday’s spinning class. And as long as the “transformed me” makes a public appearance regularly enough around town, I feel that my image can be properly upheld.
What can’t be accomplished in 15 minutes? A decent figure. White teeth. Clear, smooth(ish) skin. These are the things I make sure are in order, and don’t mind spending a little time and money on.
What can be accomplished in 15 minutes? Absolutely everything else, provided I’ve chosen wisely in my hairstyle and makeup regimen.
So why not just go the extra 15 minutes in the morning and always look great? Because it just doesn’t work that way for me. Trying to constantly look great, in nice clothes, with perfect makeup, slows me down. Wearing nice clothes prevents me from taking the stroller to pick up my daughter from preschool. Instead, I grab the keys. I’m more restrained in my playing with the kids, blitz-cleaning the house, or heading outdoors. And it’s uncomfortable.
But worst of all, when I concentrate on my appearance, that’s what I’m doing…concentrating on my appearance, instead of something else. It distracts me from better, more important things.
So yeah, I care about what I look like, and that’s why I’ll surprise you sometime by showing up to your house, school board meeting, or girl’s night out looking like a completely put-together person. Just to let you, and myself, know that I still can. But for the rest of the time, I consider it a waste of time, energy, and focus.
-TWM
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Thinking Twice about Who Gets My Money
Today, I did something I normally hate doing- I paid retail for a hardback book. It was the latest “Diary of a Wimpy Kid” for my son, and though I could have probably held out for it to come to the library, I decided to splurge. My son will be thrilled, but honestly, the thought of his happy face wasn’t what tipped me over the edge in pulling out my wallet- it was the store selling the book.
This adorable, boutique children’s bookstore struggling to stay afloat moved into our neighborhood a few years ago, replacing a God-awful “American Opinion” store filled with skin-heads and secret late-night meetings.
This store deserves my money.
In the past few months, since my husband’s company shut down, I have, for the most part, spent as little money as humanly possible. But when I do decide to splurge, I am trying to make sure the person, or institution, getting our hard-earned (or hard-SAVED, now) dollar is worthy of it. That it is the kind of business we believe needs to still be around a year from now.
We’re all facing the conundrum of needing to save money for our own private benefit, but spend money in order to keep our economy alive. To make peace with this, we need to remember both sides of that coin with every purchase: what, and who.
This is the only way we’re going to like the way our world looks when the dust settles.
-TWM
This adorable, boutique children’s bookstore struggling to stay afloat moved into our neighborhood a few years ago, replacing a God-awful “American Opinion” store filled with skin-heads and secret late-night meetings.
This store deserves my money.
In the past few months, since my husband’s company shut down, I have, for the most part, spent as little money as humanly possible. But when I do decide to splurge, I am trying to make sure the person, or institution, getting our hard-earned (or hard-SAVED, now) dollar is worthy of it. That it is the kind of business we believe needs to still be around a year from now.
We’re all facing the conundrum of needing to save money for our own private benefit, but spend money in order to keep our economy alive. To make peace with this, we need to remember both sides of that coin with every purchase: what, and who.
This is the only way we’re going to like the way our world looks when the dust settles.
-TWM
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Back When Parties Were Fun and Easy
Remember when we used to judge a party just by how big it was? When all we had to do to have a party was say, “Hey, I’m having a party Saturday night”, and maybe, maybe buy a keg?
And when we went to a party, we didn’t even notice the person’s house (sometimes we didn’t even know whose house it was) or whether or not there was food. We simply got excited about how many cars were lining the street and how loud the music was coming from the backyard.
We just noticed people.
I am, of course, talking about my single days (or college…or high school), and part of the allure of people meant, for me, guys. Nowadays, of course, I am not out scooping for guys (my husband will be happy to know), but I still think that we’ve lost something in our more mature married life in making get-togethers about the wrong things.
Nowadays, when we have a party, it’s so much more work. We are taught by countless magazine covers, talk shows, and Sunday morning columns that we need to have an immaculate house, be a fabulous cook, and carefully orchestrate the guest list, theme, and party décor to have a successful gathering. Now, I do know some women who pull this off beautifully, and actually seem to be enjoying themselves in the process, but for the rest of us, we tend to spend our own parties in mild state of hysteria trying to be something we’re not.
And here is the inherent problem, and the source of our stress: we have shifted the focus from our guests to ourselves, and honestly, we are all paying the price for this.
We are getting together less often. And when we do, it’s stressful and expensive. And not as much fun.
Now let me point out that this adult phenomenon does not occur everywhere. All over the world, and even in neighborhoods across the United States, there are people getting together regularly, in groups large and small, without any stress or large cost or maid service or decorating theme or even a single hour frantically scrubbing their bathrooms.
And here is the most likely place to find them: among people who are used to not having any money. Village festivals, large family reunions in playgrounds, neighbors in lawn chairs in the front yard, and, yes, twenty-nothings standing around a backyard keg- these gatherings all originate from the simple desire to just have fun, be together, and escape the daily grind. No one gets credit for a “fabulous spread” or “incredible hostessing skills” or “unbelievable house.”
And everyone has more fun.
So let’s all vow to get together this summer more often, and take some advice from people who know how to have a good time. Don’t worry about cleaning up- we don’t care. Just tell us what to bring over, and we’ll be there.
-TWM
And when we went to a party, we didn’t even notice the person’s house (sometimes we didn’t even know whose house it was) or whether or not there was food. We simply got excited about how many cars were lining the street and how loud the music was coming from the backyard.
We just noticed people.
I am, of course, talking about my single days (or college…or high school), and part of the allure of people meant, for me, guys. Nowadays, of course, I am not out scooping for guys (my husband will be happy to know), but I still think that we’ve lost something in our more mature married life in making get-togethers about the wrong things.
Nowadays, when we have a party, it’s so much more work. We are taught by countless magazine covers, talk shows, and Sunday morning columns that we need to have an immaculate house, be a fabulous cook, and carefully orchestrate the guest list, theme, and party décor to have a successful gathering. Now, I do know some women who pull this off beautifully, and actually seem to be enjoying themselves in the process, but for the rest of us, we tend to spend our own parties in mild state of hysteria trying to be something we’re not.
And here is the inherent problem, and the source of our stress: we have shifted the focus from our guests to ourselves, and honestly, we are all paying the price for this.
We are getting together less often. And when we do, it’s stressful and expensive. And not as much fun.
Now let me point out that this adult phenomenon does not occur everywhere. All over the world, and even in neighborhoods across the United States, there are people getting together regularly, in groups large and small, without any stress or large cost or maid service or decorating theme or even a single hour frantically scrubbing their bathrooms.
And here is the most likely place to find them: among people who are used to not having any money. Village festivals, large family reunions in playgrounds, neighbors in lawn chairs in the front yard, and, yes, twenty-nothings standing around a backyard keg- these gatherings all originate from the simple desire to just have fun, be together, and escape the daily grind. No one gets credit for a “fabulous spread” or “incredible hostessing skills” or “unbelievable house.”
And everyone has more fun.
So let’s all vow to get together this summer more often, and take some advice from people who know how to have a good time. Don’t worry about cleaning up- we don’t care. Just tell us what to bring over, and we’ll be there.
-TWM
Friday, April 24, 2009
A Free Education and Year of Entertainment in One Hour
I am a different kind of person when I’m reading a good book. No line at the grocery store, hour in a waiting room, or evening spent watching my husband channel surf is wasted, or begrudged- I have my book, and need nothing else.
The problem is, I don’t always have that good book, and so live in a state of mild discontent and wasted time until someone comes along with a good recommendation, or suddenly reach a breaking point where I grab my keys and my wallet and drive to Barnes and Noble, sanctimoniously turning down their offer to become a “member” for $25 extra for the third time this month because I “never come here.”
There is a better way, and it takes less than an hour and can cost nothing.
We just need a plan.
There is a free, fabulous education out there that will turn us into the best-read person we know and fill every minute of down-time in our lives with life-changing wisdom and entertainment. And all we need to do to get it is spend the next hour doing the following steps:
1. Gather up all the used paperbacks in our house, and put them in a box or paper grocery bag.
2. Locate a used book store in our city
3. Create a LIST of all the books we’d like to read, and print it out. The older the book, the more likely we’ll find it.
Here are some lists I’ve found:
For all those books we should have read in school but didn’t:
http://www.collegeboard.com/student/plan/boost-your-skills/23628.html
http://www.randomhouse.com/modernlibrary/100bestnovels.html
Or just to catch up on Oprah’s book club:
http://bestsellers.about.com/od/oprahsbookclub/a/oprah_book_list.htm
If we’d like to get our children in on the action:
http://kids.nypl.org/reading/recommended2.cfm?ListID=61
http://www.teachersfirst.com/100books.cfm
4. Now take our trade-ins to the used bookstore, open an account, and while they’re sorting through our books, hit the aisles with that list! Don’t be surprised when they give some books back- just find a place to donate them later.
Now…we should have an amazing stack of hours and hours of reading sitting by our beds, ready to be grabbed. When we get through it, we’ll go back to the bookstore, trade them in, and start all over.
Of course, the library is always there, too.
Now what else do we need to get us through the next year? Just a good cup of coffee or glass of wine, depending on the time of day, and we’re golden.
-TWM
The problem is, I don’t always have that good book, and so live in a state of mild discontent and wasted time until someone comes along with a good recommendation, or suddenly reach a breaking point where I grab my keys and my wallet and drive to Barnes and Noble, sanctimoniously turning down their offer to become a “member” for $25 extra for the third time this month because I “never come here.”
There is a better way, and it takes less than an hour and can cost nothing.
We just need a plan.
There is a free, fabulous education out there that will turn us into the best-read person we know and fill every minute of down-time in our lives with life-changing wisdom and entertainment. And all we need to do to get it is spend the next hour doing the following steps:
1. Gather up all the used paperbacks in our house, and put them in a box or paper grocery bag.
2. Locate a used book store in our city
3. Create a LIST of all the books we’d like to read, and print it out. The older the book, the more likely we’ll find it.
Here are some lists I’ve found:
For all those books we should have read in school but didn’t:
http://www.collegeboard.com/student/plan/boost-your-skills/23628.html
http://www.randomhouse.com/modernlibrary/100bestnovels.html
Or just to catch up on Oprah’s book club:
http://bestsellers.about.com/od/oprahsbookclub/a/oprah_book_list.htm
If we’d like to get our children in on the action:
http://kids.nypl.org/reading/recommended2.cfm?ListID=61
http://www.teachersfirst.com/100books.cfm
4. Now take our trade-ins to the used bookstore, open an account, and while they’re sorting through our books, hit the aisles with that list! Don’t be surprised when they give some books back- just find a place to donate them later.
Now…we should have an amazing stack of hours and hours of reading sitting by our beds, ready to be grabbed. When we get through it, we’ll go back to the bookstore, trade them in, and start all over.
Of course, the library is always there, too.
Now what else do we need to get us through the next year? Just a good cup of coffee or glass of wine, depending on the time of day, and we’re golden.
-TWM
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
A New Life for Old Toys
I’m in that dangerous mode again…clean out mode. It happens a few times a year. While others may hoard, my illness is the need to go on “purging” rampages where no child’s drawing, high school yearbook, or family heirloom is safe from the circular file.
Don’t get me wrong- what can be recycled or donated will be. But I do tend to get rid of things very quickly, and sometimes have regretted my quick trigger finger.
But this year, I’m trying something different. The clutter in my house has GOT TO GO, but instead of immediately giving away my kids’ unused, under-appreciated, or just-too-complicated-and-messy-to-bother-with toys, I am putting them away into what I’m calling, “the summer toy box.” In this box will contain toys, activities, and crafts to be taken out... one at a time.. to be done with me.
With the creation of this box (or closet, depending on how much stuff I find), I hope to do a few things: 1) find new life for good toys that never got their day in the sun, 2) allow my kids to occasionally feel like they’re getting a new treat (without my spending anything), 3) force myself to actually sit down and play with my kids, and 4) give myself an instant answer to the question, “Mom, what can we doooo?”
The best candidates for this box are toys and activities that require some parental guidance and set-up. Those are the toys in my house that tend to sit unused, or get immediately and irrevocably scattered, because I didn’t have the time/energy/focus/patience to sit down properly with my kids to show them how to do it. But now that they’re locked safely away, I can bring them out at my convenience, when we actually have the right amount of time to devote to them.
The only purchase I’ve made to aid me in this endeavor is something I usually don’t buy- Ziploc bags. With one package of gallon-sized bags (that can be reused many times!) I can create single craft projects as I slowly clean the house. I can ensure that every last piece of the puzzle will stay together. I can grab just one bag to throw into the car for swim meets, baseball games, or picnics.
So, in this summer of fewer camps, babysitters, and vacations than in years past, hopefully finding a new life for old toys will help us actually slow down and play with our kids and avoid the watch something/buy something/eat something trap of desperation parenting.
-TWM
Don’t get me wrong- what can be recycled or donated will be. But I do tend to get rid of things very quickly, and sometimes have regretted my quick trigger finger.
But this year, I’m trying something different. The clutter in my house has GOT TO GO, but instead of immediately giving away my kids’ unused, under-appreciated, or just-too-complicated-and-messy-to-bother-with toys, I am putting them away into what I’m calling, “the summer toy box.” In this box will contain toys, activities, and crafts to be taken out... one at a time.. to be done with me.
With the creation of this box (or closet, depending on how much stuff I find), I hope to do a few things: 1) find new life for good toys that never got their day in the sun, 2) allow my kids to occasionally feel like they’re getting a new treat (without my spending anything), 3) force myself to actually sit down and play with my kids, and 4) give myself an instant answer to the question, “Mom, what can we doooo?”
The best candidates for this box are toys and activities that require some parental guidance and set-up. Those are the toys in my house that tend to sit unused, or get immediately and irrevocably scattered, because I didn’t have the time/energy/focus/patience to sit down properly with my kids to show them how to do it. But now that they’re locked safely away, I can bring them out at my convenience, when we actually have the right amount of time to devote to them.
The only purchase I’ve made to aid me in this endeavor is something I usually don’t buy- Ziploc bags. With one package of gallon-sized bags (that can be reused many times!) I can create single craft projects as I slowly clean the house. I can ensure that every last piece of the puzzle will stay together. I can grab just one bag to throw into the car for swim meets, baseball games, or picnics.
So, in this summer of fewer camps, babysitters, and vacations than in years past, hopefully finding a new life for old toys will help us actually slow down and play with our kids and avoid the watch something/buy something/eat something trap of desperation parenting.
-TWM
Monday, April 20, 2009
Eating Organic on a Budget
We are all looking desperately for ways to cut the monthly budget, and like many of you, the first place my eye goes is to the grocery bill. I mean, we could survive off Ramen noodles for the next month (I did in college, didn’t I?), so this can be a tempting gold mine of cost savings in desperate times.
However, more and more research is coming out about how bad all the “cheap” food is for us (be sure to catch “The Unhealthy Truth” coming out in May by Robyn McCord O’Brien and go to www.allergykids.com for more information on this). We’re actually already spending less of our income on food than at any other time in history, and by choosing the cheap fillers of corn syrup, soy, and GMO’s, our children are paying the price. Childhood cases of food allergies, ADHD, Autism, and Asthma are through the roof, and tons of research (that I firmly believe) links it to the JUNK that’s in our food.
Another horrifying statistic is that just 100 years ago, Americans ate less sugar in an entire year than we now eat in a single day. It’s not that we’re loading up on desserts- this sugar is in our meals and “healthy” snacks!
So, how do we balance these two forces that are crashing down around our heads: the need to buy more expensive food AND the need to spend less money? Here are a few things that I’ve found that will at least help you get started on both eating more healthily AND cutting your food budget:
Buy frozen: Research has shown that frozen fruits and vegetables can be even healthier than fresh ones (often picked unripe and shipped long distances). Obviously, local, organic, and fresh is best, but frozen isn’t as bad as you think.
Start with just the essential organics: The most important things to buy organic are milk, eggs, chicken, and beef. If you can’t swallow the price of organic meat, at least go “all natural” with no antibiotics or hormones.
Eliminate corn syrup: Double-check your bread, granola bars, peanut butter, crackers, and kid snacks, and cut this ingredient out. This one step will do wonders for your kids health.
When you can, DO buy organic: strawberries, Chilean grapes (tons of pesticides!), peppers, spinach, cherries, peaches, Mexican Cantaloupe, celery, apples, apricots, green beans, and cucumbers.
Don’t bother buying organic: avocadoes, corn, onions, sweet potatoes, cauliflower, Brussels sprouts, non-Chilean grapes, bananas, plums, green onions, watermelon, or broccoli.
Buy Organic, Free Trade Coffee but brew it yourself. After your morning is over, turn off your coffee maker with just a little coffee left in it, and when you need a mid-afternoon pick-me-up, don’t buy a chemical-laden Diet Coke- make a cold iced coffee (with real sugar, not sweetened chemicals).
Eat Less. Yes, I said it. We Americans try to lose weight and save money by finding the cheapest low-calorie “health” food we can buy, and then eating tons of it. Instead, let’s eat something real and authentic, enjoy it, and then stop eating.
Let’s start with just this. There are plenty more things we can do to be more healthy and save more money- and we’ll get to those in good time- but starting with these simple steps is a good start for both our bodies and our budget.
-TWM
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Wasted Effort and Purchases on Young Children
The day is coming when my three kids will be embarrassed by wearing hand-me down clothes. The day is coming when they will know all the brand names of clothing, cars, shoes, and sporting equipment. Someday they will start noticing the size of people’s houses, the quality of hotel rooms on vacations, and the furnishings in their friends’ homes.
But that day has not yet come. So why are so many of us spending loads of money on these things NOW?
The answer is simple- we are doing it for ourselves. We like to see our kids in cute clothes, magazine-quality bedrooms, and picturesque vacation settings. And there is nothing wrong with any of this, as long as we can afford it and admit our motivation behind it. But we’re not really doing it for them.
I’ve seen friends (and myself) get themselves into serious financial trouble using the excuse that they “want to give their kids the best.” But we all need to realize that kids see things very differently than we do, and their version of “the best” can be very different from ours, and much, much cheaper (and easier!) to accommodate.
My own young family’s life provides more examples of this phenomenon than I can count- almost all due to my breaking my own rule here. The adorable clothes I thought my son would love were cast aside for the one ratty t-shirt that had a blue fish on it. My 18-month-old’s favorite animal at the National Zoo (4 hours, one hotel room, and 4 restaurants later) was a DUCK. The coolest room of any of my sons’ friends is the one that has a Star Wars poster in it.
We are overshooting, and paying the price for it.
If you have young kids, put away your guilt about not giving them “the best” and instead, give them what they want- your attention, your peace of mind, and a more secure financial future for the things that really matter: a good education, some great experiences they’ll actually remember, and maybe just a few of those nice clothes when they know how to appreciate them.
-TWM
But that day has not yet come. So why are so many of us spending loads of money on these things NOW?
The answer is simple- we are doing it for ourselves. We like to see our kids in cute clothes, magazine-quality bedrooms, and picturesque vacation settings. And there is nothing wrong with any of this, as long as we can afford it and admit our motivation behind it. But we’re not really doing it for them.
I’ve seen friends (and myself) get themselves into serious financial trouble using the excuse that they “want to give their kids the best.” But we all need to realize that kids see things very differently than we do, and their version of “the best” can be very different from ours, and much, much cheaper (and easier!) to accommodate.
My own young family’s life provides more examples of this phenomenon than I can count- almost all due to my breaking my own rule here. The adorable clothes I thought my son would love were cast aside for the one ratty t-shirt that had a blue fish on it. My 18-month-old’s favorite animal at the National Zoo (4 hours, one hotel room, and 4 restaurants later) was a DUCK. The coolest room of any of my sons’ friends is the one that has a Star Wars poster in it.
We are overshooting, and paying the price for it.
If you have young kids, put away your guilt about not giving them “the best” and instead, give them what they want- your attention, your peace of mind, and a more secure financial future for the things that really matter: a good education, some great experiences they’ll actually remember, and maybe just a few of those nice clothes when they know how to appreciate them.
-TWM
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