There are two things kids look forward to most Christmas morning- getting stuff they want, and opening stuff…period.
Rather than filling the landfill and emptying our wallets by buying a bunch of “filler presents”…you know, the gifts you buy just so the kids will have more to open…why not set aside things we were going to give them anyway and wrap up those?
Your kid may be desperate for a new pair of pants – can she wait a few weeks and open them Christmas morning? The robe hook for her bathroom door? The box of hand-me down clothes you’ve just received? All are gifts.
And what about the everyday necessities we automatically buy for our children that they take for granted, like extra school supplies, socks, picky-eater cereal, granola bars? These, too, can be wrapped up and presented as the gifts they authentically are.
No, none of these gifts will be our children’s favorite to open, but that’s not the point. They will enjoy the act of opening them, and then get really excited when the few “real” special gifts emerge. And, rather than be left with a bunch of stuff they will never use, they’ll be left with a bunch of stuff they will simply use.
This may seem like “cheating” to you, but ease your conscience. The youngest children won’t know the difference, and the older ones are old enough to turn it into a family game (is this a “want gift” or a “need gift?” ) and start learning a valuable lesson: anything given to them for free IS a gift, and should be enjoyed and appreciated.
-TWM
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Monday, December 7, 2009
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Truly MAGIC Beans for Santa
So just how exactly DOES Santa keep track of how good or bad your kids have been?
I stumbled on a “little known fact about Santa” a few years ago that has given my kids a tangible measure of their behavior during the holiday season – one that serves as a fantastic discipline tool and a way to make the countdown to Christmas a bit more bearable!
I heard through the grapevine that Santa collects dry beans on Christmas Eve to bring back to Mrs. Claus to make soup for all the elves Christmas morning…and in exchange for these beans left out for him, he will swap them out for jelly beans! But what makes these dry beans so special is that each bean left for Santa Claus represents one good deed done by a child that holiday season!
Unwrapping a book a night may be my children’s favorite holiday tradition; this one is mine. The first week of December, I buy a few bags of dried pinto or lima beans, then set them in a shallow bowl next to a glass canister within arms reach of my children (you’ll be surprised how pretty this looks, too). Every time anyone says or does something nice, a bean is dropped in the jar. Yes, I also take one out when they misbehave.
Over the weeks, the beans add up, as does the Christmas spirit and the good habit of doing nice things for one another. Sure, the kids are ridiculously obvious and manipulative at times about it: “Here, Sis, let me help you walk down the hall to the bathroom…Mom, is that a bean?” but I couldn’t care less. For around $5 I get improved behavior, a reason for the kids to want Christmas morning to wait a few more days, and another gift for the kids to be excited about Christmas morning.
I heard the Easter Bunny does this too, by the way….
I stumbled on a “little known fact about Santa” a few years ago that has given my kids a tangible measure of their behavior during the holiday season – one that serves as a fantastic discipline tool and a way to make the countdown to Christmas a bit more bearable!
I heard through the grapevine that Santa collects dry beans on Christmas Eve to bring back to Mrs. Claus to make soup for all the elves Christmas morning…and in exchange for these beans left out for him, he will swap them out for jelly beans! But what makes these dry beans so special is that each bean left for Santa Claus represents one good deed done by a child that holiday season!
Unwrapping a book a night may be my children’s favorite holiday tradition; this one is mine. The first week of December, I buy a few bags of dried pinto or lima beans, then set them in a shallow bowl next to a glass canister within arms reach of my children (you’ll be surprised how pretty this looks, too). Every time anyone says or does something nice, a bean is dropped in the jar. Yes, I also take one out when they misbehave.
Over the weeks, the beans add up, as does the Christmas spirit and the good habit of doing nice things for one another. Sure, the kids are ridiculously obvious and manipulative at times about it: “Here, Sis, let me help you walk down the hall to the bathroom…Mom, is that a bean?” but I couldn’t care less. For around $5 I get improved behavior, a reason for the kids to want Christmas morning to wait a few more days, and another gift for the kids to be excited about Christmas morning.
I heard the Easter Bunny does this too, by the way….
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
My Daughter's 4-year-old Teacher
Week one of Summer –for my preschool daughter, that is. During these few weeks between when preschool ends and the elementary schools break for the summer, I have traditionally turned to traditional camps to offer enrichment, education, and (let’s be honest here) babysitting services for my energetic and still- clingy youngest child before “real” summer kicks in and we can go somewhere.
This year, those camps were not in the budget, so she is left with just ME. Sadly, “just ME” right now is fresh out of creativity, energy, and time to devote solely to her. I have SO MUCH to do before the school year ends and have horrified myself at how often I’ve turned to suggesting “just watching a little show” as a quality activity in order to buy myself some time…and peace.
Then a friend asked if I could watch her daughter for a morning, and the world changed.
In an instant, my daughter was immersed in a world of adventure, make-believe, and creativity. Our neglected sandbox became an exotic beach. Old dishes serviced a formal Japanese tea ceremony. Tuned-out classical music from NPR inspired an elaborately choreographed ballet recital.
In the remaining 2 hours, my daughter had an art lesson, a fashion consultation, a lecture on butterflies, linguistic training, a yoga class, a guided imagery exercise, and a model-parenting seminar.
I did none of these things. It was all done by the friend.
This 4-year-old’s fresh perspective and appreciation for our toys, plus her unique interests, talents, and creativity served as the best teacher, coach, motivator, and babysitter for my daughter imaginable. My daughter did, thought, liked, appreciated, and conjured up things she never would have done on her own, in a structured environment, or, most of all…with me.
Yes, I had to occasionally wipe a bottom, hydrate and feed when necessary, or help with a tricky zipper, but other than that and staying within sight, I did absolutely nothing...but write, concentrate, file, email, and congratulate myself on my amazing parenting skills.
And to think her mother thanked ME when she picked her little girl up!
So, don’t feel guilty if the money isn’t there this year for camps, classes, and elaborate enrichment activities. Just see if any of your neighbors need a favor…
-TWM
This year, those camps were not in the budget, so she is left with just ME. Sadly, “just ME” right now is fresh out of creativity, energy, and time to devote solely to her. I have SO MUCH to do before the school year ends and have horrified myself at how often I’ve turned to suggesting “just watching a little show” as a quality activity in order to buy myself some time…and peace.
Then a friend asked if I could watch her daughter for a morning, and the world changed.
In an instant, my daughter was immersed in a world of adventure, make-believe, and creativity. Our neglected sandbox became an exotic beach. Old dishes serviced a formal Japanese tea ceremony. Tuned-out classical music from NPR inspired an elaborately choreographed ballet recital.
In the remaining 2 hours, my daughter had an art lesson, a fashion consultation, a lecture on butterflies, linguistic training, a yoga class, a guided imagery exercise, and a model-parenting seminar.
I did none of these things. It was all done by the friend.
This 4-year-old’s fresh perspective and appreciation for our toys, plus her unique interests, talents, and creativity served as the best teacher, coach, motivator, and babysitter for my daughter imaginable. My daughter did, thought, liked, appreciated, and conjured up things she never would have done on her own, in a structured environment, or, most of all…with me.
Yes, I had to occasionally wipe a bottom, hydrate and feed when necessary, or help with a tricky zipper, but other than that and staying within sight, I did absolutely nothing...but write, concentrate, file, email, and congratulate myself on my amazing parenting skills.
And to think her mother thanked ME when she picked her little girl up!
So, don’t feel guilty if the money isn’t there this year for camps, classes, and elaborate enrichment activities. Just see if any of your neighbors need a favor…
-TWM
Thursday, May 21, 2009
A Summer Inbox for your Kids
Today is the first day of summer for me…in a matter of speaking.
Today was my daughter’s last day of preschool for the year, so “summer” in the sense of “no structure, no alone time for Mommy, no morning routine” has begun. I get to ease into full-blown summer a bit due to my two sons still having weeks left at their elementary school, but today’s end-of-the-year preschool program served as a major wakeup call for me.
I need a plan.
Other parents I’ve talked to have a plan. It comes in the form of daycare, babysitters, and more varieties of camps than I knew ever existed. Some sounded absolutely wonderful. And absolutely exorbitant. But absolutely wonderful enough to get self-conscious about my organic, camp-free summer agenda where almighty ME is fully in charge of ensuring my children’s brains and bodies don’t turn to mush.
So, back to that PLAN.
I’ve written before about locating and attending free summer concert and theater series, library story hours, vacation bible schools, museums, parks, and the local sites in order to wonderfully and frugally create an enriching, educational summer. But after getting the “what can we watch?” question from my daughter in the first 5 minutes of “summer” today, I realize we need more than that. We need structure in our day, too, not just our week.
Then I spotted our soon-to-be-unused “homework center” in the corner of our dining room. These three simple stacked horizontal files serve as their “inbox” during the school year. They know to go there, and go through, whatever’s in that box before even asking to watch TV.
What if I could create a summer “inbox”? A mix of fun, education, and structure (not too much- this is summer after all) that the kids would know to turn to first before sliding into the lazy brainlessness that all teachers bemoan every September as they are forced to repeat the last half a year just to bring the kids back up to speed.
A Library book could go in the inbox. A note card with a single question to investigate, plus a website link. Torn out or printed out worksheets. A new crossword or Soduku book. A choice of one of three activities to do outside. A journal, with one prompt question written at the top of the page. A few individual activities, then one group adventure that requires your kids to cooperate. The possibilities are endless. And easy to think up.
And, in the end, a reward…hopefully in the form of a happy mommy who has had enough moments of peace and quiet to give her children her complete attention, energy, and love.
Better than any camp.
Maybe.
-TWM
Today was my daughter’s last day of preschool for the year, so “summer” in the sense of “no structure, no alone time for Mommy, no morning routine” has begun. I get to ease into full-blown summer a bit due to my two sons still having weeks left at their elementary school, but today’s end-of-the-year preschool program served as a major wakeup call for me.
I need a plan.
Other parents I’ve talked to have a plan. It comes in the form of daycare, babysitters, and more varieties of camps than I knew ever existed. Some sounded absolutely wonderful. And absolutely exorbitant. But absolutely wonderful enough to get self-conscious about my organic, camp-free summer agenda where almighty ME is fully in charge of ensuring my children’s brains and bodies don’t turn to mush.
So, back to that PLAN.
I’ve written before about locating and attending free summer concert and theater series, library story hours, vacation bible schools, museums, parks, and the local sites in order to wonderfully and frugally create an enriching, educational summer. But after getting the “what can we watch?” question from my daughter in the first 5 minutes of “summer” today, I realize we need more than that. We need structure in our day, too, not just our week.
Then I spotted our soon-to-be-unused “homework center” in the corner of our dining room. These three simple stacked horizontal files serve as their “inbox” during the school year. They know to go there, and go through, whatever’s in that box before even asking to watch TV.
What if I could create a summer “inbox”? A mix of fun, education, and structure (not too much- this is summer after all) that the kids would know to turn to first before sliding into the lazy brainlessness that all teachers bemoan every September as they are forced to repeat the last half a year just to bring the kids back up to speed.
A Library book could go in the inbox. A note card with a single question to investigate, plus a website link. Torn out or printed out worksheets. A new crossword or Soduku book. A choice of one of three activities to do outside. A journal, with one prompt question written at the top of the page. A few individual activities, then one group adventure that requires your kids to cooperate. The possibilities are endless. And easy to think up.
And, in the end, a reward…hopefully in the form of a happy mommy who has had enough moments of peace and quiet to give her children her complete attention, energy, and love.
Better than any camp.
Maybe.
-TWM
Monday, May 18, 2009
A Weekend with no job, money, or plan
Yesterday afternoon was different from most Sunday afternoons in my household.
Unlike most weekends, we had NOWHERE to go. Nothing we had to do. The morning rain had cancelled the t-ball game. I had no freelance singing work. The house was actually reasonably clean, and the kids had clean underwear in their drawers for tomorrow. My husband had no urgent project to complete.
Nothing we had to do.
This should sound like Utopia, right?
But it wasn't. I was grouchy, and for once, I knew why. I knew that after about half an hour of "nothing to do", the petitions would start coming. From the kids, it was the inevitable "can we watch something/eat something/buy something" mantra that I dread. From the husband, it was the inevitable, "Let's come up with a PLAN."
Now, my husband uses the word "let's" when talking about planning something fun the same way I use the word "let's" when talking about fixing something. We both mean "you."
I hate planning "fun" all the time. Sometimes I don't feel "fun." Sometimes I don't WANT to be "fun." Sometimes I want to just be.
The problem is, when I don't plan something fun, the natural, lazy tendencies of my kids (as with most kids, I would venture) will steer toward the remote control or candy cabinet. My husband will find a project to do, and we will end up spending the afternoon in a distracted, disconnected stupor of media babysitting, individual projects, and unsupervised snacking. At the end of the day, my husband and I may feel so guilty over the wasted day that we'll go BUY SOMETHING to make up for it.
Perfect.
So, it's now back on me to PLAN something in order to save us all from this inevitable doom, right?
Well, yesterday, I learned that wasn't so. Yesterday, I learned that there is another option, and I didn't plan, watch, eat, or spend a thing: I asked my husband what HE thought would be fun, and we immediately and unquestionably went along with it.
Now, I don't want to indicate that I've never given my husband a chance to plan a family activity. It's just that when I do ask his opinion, I always think about whether it's a good one or not. Then I'll agree or disagree, and eventually we'll try to come up with a compromise. Yesterday, I was too tired to argue, and even though his plan sounded boring and problematic from the start- load up all kids and all bikes in unpleasantly cool, cloudy weather and go for a hike/ride around our city's downtown river island - I just shut up and agreed.
It was the best afternoon any of us can remember.
Throughout the afternoon, not only did we go along with every idea of my husband's, but we went along with the kids' ideas of "fun", too. Why not? I had nothing better to offer, for "once." Every side trail they wanted to explore, every rock that needed to be picked up, every fascinating bump in the path that needed to be ridden over...over and over again...was allowed, repeated by all, and celebrated. And it was fun. I had no idea that skipping rocks for a complete hour could hold my attention. I saw parts of the island I had never before been to. I never hurried up, cut off, redirected, or suppressed any idea that was offered, and we all benefitted.
I allowed my family to plan, and they were actually good at it. What they wanted to do was fun- for all of us. When given the paramaters of sugar-free, money-free, and tv-free, they proved that they could drive the cruise ship for a while, and do a better job of it than me.
As the long summer ahead looms without a lot of camps, money, or even solid plans, I am cautiously optomistic that we may be in for the a fantastic couple of months...as long as I remember to hand over the reigns and enthusiatically grab my riding hat!
-TWM
Unlike most weekends, we had NOWHERE to go. Nothing we had to do. The morning rain had cancelled the t-ball game. I had no freelance singing work. The house was actually reasonably clean, and the kids had clean underwear in their drawers for tomorrow. My husband had no urgent project to complete.
Nothing we had to do.
This should sound like Utopia, right?
But it wasn't. I was grouchy, and for once, I knew why. I knew that after about half an hour of "nothing to do", the petitions would start coming. From the kids, it was the inevitable "can we watch something/eat something/buy something" mantra that I dread. From the husband, it was the inevitable, "Let's come up with a PLAN."
Now, my husband uses the word "let's" when talking about planning something fun the same way I use the word "let's" when talking about fixing something. We both mean "you."
I hate planning "fun" all the time. Sometimes I don't feel "fun." Sometimes I don't WANT to be "fun." Sometimes I want to just be.
The problem is, when I don't plan something fun, the natural, lazy tendencies of my kids (as with most kids, I would venture) will steer toward the remote control or candy cabinet. My husband will find a project to do, and we will end up spending the afternoon in a distracted, disconnected stupor of media babysitting, individual projects, and unsupervised snacking. At the end of the day, my husband and I may feel so guilty over the wasted day that we'll go BUY SOMETHING to make up for it.
Perfect.
So, it's now back on me to PLAN something in order to save us all from this inevitable doom, right?
Well, yesterday, I learned that wasn't so. Yesterday, I learned that there is another option, and I didn't plan, watch, eat, or spend a thing: I asked my husband what HE thought would be fun, and we immediately and unquestionably went along with it.
Now, I don't want to indicate that I've never given my husband a chance to plan a family activity. It's just that when I do ask his opinion, I always think about whether it's a good one or not. Then I'll agree or disagree, and eventually we'll try to come up with a compromise. Yesterday, I was too tired to argue, and even though his plan sounded boring and problematic from the start- load up all kids and all bikes in unpleasantly cool, cloudy weather and go for a hike/ride around our city's downtown river island - I just shut up and agreed.
It was the best afternoon any of us can remember.
Throughout the afternoon, not only did we go along with every idea of my husband's, but we went along with the kids' ideas of "fun", too. Why not? I had nothing better to offer, for "once." Every side trail they wanted to explore, every rock that needed to be picked up, every fascinating bump in the path that needed to be ridden over...over and over again...was allowed, repeated by all, and celebrated. And it was fun. I had no idea that skipping rocks for a complete hour could hold my attention. I saw parts of the island I had never before been to. I never hurried up, cut off, redirected, or suppressed any idea that was offered, and we all benefitted.
I allowed my family to plan, and they were actually good at it. What they wanted to do was fun- for all of us. When given the paramaters of sugar-free, money-free, and tv-free, they proved that they could drive the cruise ship for a while, and do a better job of it than me.
As the long summer ahead looms without a lot of camps, money, or even solid plans, I am cautiously optomistic that we may be in for the a fantastic couple of months...as long as I remember to hand over the reigns and enthusiatically grab my riding hat!
-TWM
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Life in the Interruptions
As you can probably guess, I do not like it when people waste my time.
I put myself under a lot of pressure to be an ultra-productive mother, wife, housekeeper, neighbor, volunteer, employee, and citizen, and the only way I can get this accomplished is if I work FAST. I believe that 99% of the things I’m doing are important, honorable, unselfish. Good things, that need to be done.
And so I have my LIST. My “inbox”. My set of criteria for what I am supposed to accomplish each day that will prove to myself and the world that I am worthy of respect, responsibility, and good karma. Every day, my list is growing, and I love that feeling of “being on a roll,” when the day just opens up and allows you to amaze yourself with how much you can get done.
But then, along come the interruptions.
Little bundles of knees and elbows that sit in my lap and try to type along with me while I’m writing, just desperate for any attention and time they can garnish. Older, slower interruptions that want to chat in the grocery store line when I’m already running late. Tiny, invisible interruptions that invade our childrens’ bodies and give them a fever just bad enough to keep them out of school, one at a time of course, and wipe out entire WEEKS of scheduled meetings, workouts, and any chance of concentration.
And those are just the small interruptions. What about the bad medical diagnosis? The corporate layoffs? The terrible late-night phone call that changes everything?
How on EARTH am I supposed to get everything done that I’m supposed to under these conditions? If ONLY I could control everything around me, then I would amaze the world at what I would get done. I SWEAR if everyone would just GET OUT OF MY WAY and give me ONE HOUR, ONE WEEKEND, or better yet, ONE MONTH to get everything in order that I just KNOW I’m supposed to be doing, THEN I will be able to slow down and listen to you, and play with you, and spend time with you, and…love you…like I should be doing now. I’m so sorry.
Life IS in the interruptions.
In the end, I’m not going to be judged by how far I got through my own fabricated inbox, but how I dealt with the universe’s interruptions. Whenever someone or something enters into my day unannounced, it’s arrogant and ignorant of me to automatically assume that what I had planned was more important.
Yes, the job must be finished, dinner (in some form, at least) must be cooked, and you will find me running down the highway naked and screaming if the house is not eventually picked up, but that should not be what my day is about. That’s just the boring, mundane stuff. The stuff that I can come up with on my own.
People, and opportunities, are the ones that interrupt the routine. And that’s something I don’t want to miss out on anymore.
I don't want on my tombstone, “She kept a good house.”
-TWM
I put myself under a lot of pressure to be an ultra-productive mother, wife, housekeeper, neighbor, volunteer, employee, and citizen, and the only way I can get this accomplished is if I work FAST. I believe that 99% of the things I’m doing are important, honorable, unselfish. Good things, that need to be done.
And so I have my LIST. My “inbox”. My set of criteria for what I am supposed to accomplish each day that will prove to myself and the world that I am worthy of respect, responsibility, and good karma. Every day, my list is growing, and I love that feeling of “being on a roll,” when the day just opens up and allows you to amaze yourself with how much you can get done.
But then, along come the interruptions.
Little bundles of knees and elbows that sit in my lap and try to type along with me while I’m writing, just desperate for any attention and time they can garnish. Older, slower interruptions that want to chat in the grocery store line when I’m already running late. Tiny, invisible interruptions that invade our childrens’ bodies and give them a fever just bad enough to keep them out of school, one at a time of course, and wipe out entire WEEKS of scheduled meetings, workouts, and any chance of concentration.
And those are just the small interruptions. What about the bad medical diagnosis? The corporate layoffs? The terrible late-night phone call that changes everything?
How on EARTH am I supposed to get everything done that I’m supposed to under these conditions? If ONLY I could control everything around me, then I would amaze the world at what I would get done. I SWEAR if everyone would just GET OUT OF MY WAY and give me ONE HOUR, ONE WEEKEND, or better yet, ONE MONTH to get everything in order that I just KNOW I’m supposed to be doing, THEN I will be able to slow down and listen to you, and play with you, and spend time with you, and…love you…like I should be doing now. I’m so sorry.
Life IS in the interruptions.
In the end, I’m not going to be judged by how far I got through my own fabricated inbox, but how I dealt with the universe’s interruptions. Whenever someone or something enters into my day unannounced, it’s arrogant and ignorant of me to automatically assume that what I had planned was more important.
Yes, the job must be finished, dinner (in some form, at least) must be cooked, and you will find me running down the highway naked and screaming if the house is not eventually picked up, but that should not be what my day is about. That’s just the boring, mundane stuff. The stuff that I can come up with on my own.
People, and opportunities, are the ones that interrupt the routine. And that’s something I don’t want to miss out on anymore.
I don't want on my tombstone, “She kept a good house.”
-TWM
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
A New Life for Old Toys
I’m in that dangerous mode again…clean out mode. It happens a few times a year. While others may hoard, my illness is the need to go on “purging” rampages where no child’s drawing, high school yearbook, or family heirloom is safe from the circular file.
Don’t get me wrong- what can be recycled or donated will be. But I do tend to get rid of things very quickly, and sometimes have regretted my quick trigger finger.
But this year, I’m trying something different. The clutter in my house has GOT TO GO, but instead of immediately giving away my kids’ unused, under-appreciated, or just-too-complicated-and-messy-to-bother-with toys, I am putting them away into what I’m calling, “the summer toy box.” In this box will contain toys, activities, and crafts to be taken out... one at a time.. to be done with me.
With the creation of this box (or closet, depending on how much stuff I find), I hope to do a few things: 1) find new life for good toys that never got their day in the sun, 2) allow my kids to occasionally feel like they’re getting a new treat (without my spending anything), 3) force myself to actually sit down and play with my kids, and 4) give myself an instant answer to the question, “Mom, what can we doooo?”
The best candidates for this box are toys and activities that require some parental guidance and set-up. Those are the toys in my house that tend to sit unused, or get immediately and irrevocably scattered, because I didn’t have the time/energy/focus/patience to sit down properly with my kids to show them how to do it. But now that they’re locked safely away, I can bring them out at my convenience, when we actually have the right amount of time to devote to them.
The only purchase I’ve made to aid me in this endeavor is something I usually don’t buy- Ziploc bags. With one package of gallon-sized bags (that can be reused many times!) I can create single craft projects as I slowly clean the house. I can ensure that every last piece of the puzzle will stay together. I can grab just one bag to throw into the car for swim meets, baseball games, or picnics.
So, in this summer of fewer camps, babysitters, and vacations than in years past, hopefully finding a new life for old toys will help us actually slow down and play with our kids and avoid the watch something/buy something/eat something trap of desperation parenting.
-TWM
Don’t get me wrong- what can be recycled or donated will be. But I do tend to get rid of things very quickly, and sometimes have regretted my quick trigger finger.
But this year, I’m trying something different. The clutter in my house has GOT TO GO, but instead of immediately giving away my kids’ unused, under-appreciated, or just-too-complicated-and-messy-to-bother-with toys, I am putting them away into what I’m calling, “the summer toy box.” In this box will contain toys, activities, and crafts to be taken out... one at a time.. to be done with me.
With the creation of this box (or closet, depending on how much stuff I find), I hope to do a few things: 1) find new life for good toys that never got their day in the sun, 2) allow my kids to occasionally feel like they’re getting a new treat (without my spending anything), 3) force myself to actually sit down and play with my kids, and 4) give myself an instant answer to the question, “Mom, what can we doooo?”
The best candidates for this box are toys and activities that require some parental guidance and set-up. Those are the toys in my house that tend to sit unused, or get immediately and irrevocably scattered, because I didn’t have the time/energy/focus/patience to sit down properly with my kids to show them how to do it. But now that they’re locked safely away, I can bring them out at my convenience, when we actually have the right amount of time to devote to them.
The only purchase I’ve made to aid me in this endeavor is something I usually don’t buy- Ziploc bags. With one package of gallon-sized bags (that can be reused many times!) I can create single craft projects as I slowly clean the house. I can ensure that every last piece of the puzzle will stay together. I can grab just one bag to throw into the car for swim meets, baseball games, or picnics.
So, in this summer of fewer camps, babysitters, and vacations than in years past, hopefully finding a new life for old toys will help us actually slow down and play with our kids and avoid the watch something/buy something/eat something trap of desperation parenting.
-TWM
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Wasted Effort and Purchases on Young Children
The day is coming when my three kids will be embarrassed by wearing hand-me down clothes. The day is coming when they will know all the brand names of clothing, cars, shoes, and sporting equipment. Someday they will start noticing the size of people’s houses, the quality of hotel rooms on vacations, and the furnishings in their friends’ homes.
But that day has not yet come. So why are so many of us spending loads of money on these things NOW?
The answer is simple- we are doing it for ourselves. We like to see our kids in cute clothes, magazine-quality bedrooms, and picturesque vacation settings. And there is nothing wrong with any of this, as long as we can afford it and admit our motivation behind it. But we’re not really doing it for them.
I’ve seen friends (and myself) get themselves into serious financial trouble using the excuse that they “want to give their kids the best.” But we all need to realize that kids see things very differently than we do, and their version of “the best” can be very different from ours, and much, much cheaper (and easier!) to accommodate.
My own young family’s life provides more examples of this phenomenon than I can count- almost all due to my breaking my own rule here. The adorable clothes I thought my son would love were cast aside for the one ratty t-shirt that had a blue fish on it. My 18-month-old’s favorite animal at the National Zoo (4 hours, one hotel room, and 4 restaurants later) was a DUCK. The coolest room of any of my sons’ friends is the one that has a Star Wars poster in it.
We are overshooting, and paying the price for it.
If you have young kids, put away your guilt about not giving them “the best” and instead, give them what they want- your attention, your peace of mind, and a more secure financial future for the things that really matter: a good education, some great experiences they’ll actually remember, and maybe just a few of those nice clothes when they know how to appreciate them.
-TWM
But that day has not yet come. So why are so many of us spending loads of money on these things NOW?
The answer is simple- we are doing it for ourselves. We like to see our kids in cute clothes, magazine-quality bedrooms, and picturesque vacation settings. And there is nothing wrong with any of this, as long as we can afford it and admit our motivation behind it. But we’re not really doing it for them.
I’ve seen friends (and myself) get themselves into serious financial trouble using the excuse that they “want to give their kids the best.” But we all need to realize that kids see things very differently than we do, and their version of “the best” can be very different from ours, and much, much cheaper (and easier!) to accommodate.
My own young family’s life provides more examples of this phenomenon than I can count- almost all due to my breaking my own rule here. The adorable clothes I thought my son would love were cast aside for the one ratty t-shirt that had a blue fish on it. My 18-month-old’s favorite animal at the National Zoo (4 hours, one hotel room, and 4 restaurants later) was a DUCK. The coolest room of any of my sons’ friends is the one that has a Star Wars poster in it.
We are overshooting, and paying the price for it.
If you have young kids, put away your guilt about not giving them “the best” and instead, give them what they want- your attention, your peace of mind, and a more secure financial future for the things that really matter: a good education, some great experiences they’ll actually remember, and maybe just a few of those nice clothes when they know how to appreciate them.
-TWM
Friday, March 13, 2009
When kids need to HAVE something when they DO something
I never feel deprived when I can’t have something, but I feel ridiculously sorry for myself, or my kids, when we can’t do something.
Back when we were dating, my husband and I agreed that we would always choose doing over having, when it came to our spending priorities. So, we do lots of cool things, in my opinion, without having to feel like we have to also buy things to have in the process.
For example, we ski all the time, but with pretty old gear. We travel the world, but camp, stay with friends, or choose “quaint” over “fabulous.” We go to concerts, events, day trips, even theme parks, without having to get the t-shirt, the poster, the expensive lunch, or the souvenir.
Then along came our kids. Of course we want them to see and do, and so they have.
But….kids seem to need to have when they do. And there is a multi-billion dollar industry that knows this. Everywhere we go, we have to walk through a gift store to reach the exit sign. At every outdoor event, there is someone selling a $12 balloon or $15 spinny light thing that will break in the car on the way home, and every other kid has got it. And in addition to the spinny thing, they need the sugary thing.
What starts off as a quality, affordable family outing can turn into a depressing pile of plastic, sugar, and credit card debt, just so the kids can “get something.” It’s enough to make you not want to go anywhere at all.
Then one day, a friend of mine brought along a bag of lollipops to keep in the car after a day at a theme park. Low and Behold, the promise of that one lollipop at the end of the day allowed my kids to turn a blind eye to every “make your own sand sculpture out of colored edible sugar” stand we passed.
Could it be this easy? Are kids that cheaply bought off? The answer is YES, and the younger they are, the cheaper. They just need Something, and if you bring that Something along with you instead of buying it there, you will spend almost nothing.
Here are the Somethings that have worked for my kids, and I encourage you to stock up now for your next special outing. Just DON’T give these things to your kids all the time, or the magic will be ruined:
bag of lollipops
bubbles
glow sticks
stickers
popsicles (for when they get home)
a turn taking pictures with your digital camera
a turn holding the flashlight
a wrapped toy from the dollar store (lifesaver at Disney World!!)
their own notebook and crayons to keep a journal
Yes, it would be great if kids didn’t need these things every time they got to do something, but they’re just kids, and I myself am tired to trying to completely fight that concept.
When they get older, I am going to give them a set amount of money to blow at the beginning of every season, and when it’s gone it’s gone. They’ll learn quickly.
But right now, I love being able to spoil them with a 20-cent glow stick when we’re out late at night. They couldn’t be happier.
-TWM
Back when we were dating, my husband and I agreed that we would always choose doing over having, when it came to our spending priorities. So, we do lots of cool things, in my opinion, without having to feel like we have to also buy things to have in the process.
For example, we ski all the time, but with pretty old gear. We travel the world, but camp, stay with friends, or choose “quaint” over “fabulous.” We go to concerts, events, day trips, even theme parks, without having to get the t-shirt, the poster, the expensive lunch, or the souvenir.
Then along came our kids. Of course we want them to see and do, and so they have.
But….kids seem to need to have when they do. And there is a multi-billion dollar industry that knows this. Everywhere we go, we have to walk through a gift store to reach the exit sign. At every outdoor event, there is someone selling a $12 balloon or $15 spinny light thing that will break in the car on the way home, and every other kid has got it. And in addition to the spinny thing, they need the sugary thing.
What starts off as a quality, affordable family outing can turn into a depressing pile of plastic, sugar, and credit card debt, just so the kids can “get something.” It’s enough to make you not want to go anywhere at all.
Then one day, a friend of mine brought along a bag of lollipops to keep in the car after a day at a theme park. Low and Behold, the promise of that one lollipop at the end of the day allowed my kids to turn a blind eye to every “make your own sand sculpture out of colored edible sugar” stand we passed.
Could it be this easy? Are kids that cheaply bought off? The answer is YES, and the younger they are, the cheaper. They just need Something, and if you bring that Something along with you instead of buying it there, you will spend almost nothing.
Here are the Somethings that have worked for my kids, and I encourage you to stock up now for your next special outing. Just DON’T give these things to your kids all the time, or the magic will be ruined:
bag of lollipops
bubbles
glow sticks
stickers
popsicles (for when they get home)
a turn taking pictures with your digital camera
a turn holding the flashlight
a wrapped toy from the dollar store (lifesaver at Disney World!!)
their own notebook and crayons to keep a journal
Yes, it would be great if kids didn’t need these things every time they got to do something, but they’re just kids, and I myself am tired to trying to completely fight that concept.
When they get older, I am going to give them a set amount of money to blow at the beginning of every season, and when it’s gone it’s gone. They’ll learn quickly.
But right now, I love being able to spoil them with a 20-cent glow stick when we’re out late at night. They couldn’t be happier.
-TWM
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Traveling "Windows of Time" for Young Families
As I’ve mentioned in earlier posts, we love to travel. Every year, my husband and I get away by ourselves at least once (thank you Mom!), give each other several opportunities to go off on our own, and then drag the kids around everywhere else.
Some vacations have been more successful, of course, than others, and some have been a downright waste because the kids were not at an age where they could appreciate it or make it remotely fun for us.
Oh, if only I had known then what I know now.
As it turns out, I have discovered that with one notable exception (you’ll see), it is always possible and fun to travel with your kids, provided you pick the right vacation for each “age window.” Since my oldest is 8, I can’t give first-hand advice on what to do with teenagers, so will stop there. But please, please heed my advice if you are a brand-new family starting off, because, again, I would have loved to have known then what I know now:
A non-crawling, nursing baby: Oh, please, please, don’t squander this time away! You have no idea how easy a baby in a bucket who cannot crawl or fuss about solid food is to travel with! Now is the time to visit family and friends (especially ones who will help you nap). Now is the time to travel abroad. Go for it! Please do not wait until your baby is “a little older” and crawling or walking before you take her on a plane and in public places with dirty floors!
Crawling baby, eating baby food: This is honestly a very hard time to travel. Your baby wants to crawl, but there are few places in public where this is safe or sanitary. Your baby cannot eat regular food, so you have to lug around or buy baby food everywhere, and if you’re traveling abroad, it can be very difficult to find your brand. And don’t even try the beach- babies hate it at this age and will eat sand within the first 10 seconds. And everything else. This is a great time for friends and family to come to you instead of the other way around.
Toddler: This is a great time to take a vacation that interests you, the parent. Toddlers need to be able to run around (planes are challenging), and see things, but they are pretty easy to please. This is NOT the time to take them to Disney World or plan another “fantastic” trip for that child to enjoy. They won’t appreciate it, and you’ll be disappointed. I made this mistake when I took my then- 15 month old son on an “educational” trip to Washington, DC. After a full day of the Smithsonian and the National Zoo, the only things he showed interest in were the ducks at the zoo and riding the escalator. Could have done that at home!
Child, ages 3-5: Now your child cares about and appreciates his surroundings. He will love the beach, though will prefer the hotel pool. Disney World is debatable, though my 3-year old loved it. This age can still be easily entertained, so you could combine a trip you would enjoy with small side adventures for the kids, and they will be thrilled.
Child, ages 6-9: This is a golden time for kid-oriented family vacations. Your kids are in school full-time now, so you’re actually craving, and needing, more quality time together. They will remember, cherish, and enjoy it. Plus, they’ll be a real pain if they are bored on a less child-focused trip. Now, they want to be with you, want you to play with them all the time, and have an unlimited supply of energy. Load up on the memories and enjoy.
-TWM
Some vacations have been more successful, of course, than others, and some have been a downright waste because the kids were not at an age where they could appreciate it or make it remotely fun for us.
Oh, if only I had known then what I know now.
As it turns out, I have discovered that with one notable exception (you’ll see), it is always possible and fun to travel with your kids, provided you pick the right vacation for each “age window.” Since my oldest is 8, I can’t give first-hand advice on what to do with teenagers, so will stop there. But please, please heed my advice if you are a brand-new family starting off, because, again, I would have loved to have known then what I know now:
A non-crawling, nursing baby: Oh, please, please, don’t squander this time away! You have no idea how easy a baby in a bucket who cannot crawl or fuss about solid food is to travel with! Now is the time to visit family and friends (especially ones who will help you nap). Now is the time to travel abroad. Go for it! Please do not wait until your baby is “a little older” and crawling or walking before you take her on a plane and in public places with dirty floors!
Crawling baby, eating baby food: This is honestly a very hard time to travel. Your baby wants to crawl, but there are few places in public where this is safe or sanitary. Your baby cannot eat regular food, so you have to lug around or buy baby food everywhere, and if you’re traveling abroad, it can be very difficult to find your brand. And don’t even try the beach- babies hate it at this age and will eat sand within the first 10 seconds. And everything else. This is a great time for friends and family to come to you instead of the other way around.
Toddler: This is a great time to take a vacation that interests you, the parent. Toddlers need to be able to run around (planes are challenging), and see things, but they are pretty easy to please. This is NOT the time to take them to Disney World or plan another “fantastic” trip for that child to enjoy. They won’t appreciate it, and you’ll be disappointed. I made this mistake when I took my then- 15 month old son on an “educational” trip to Washington, DC. After a full day of the Smithsonian and the National Zoo, the only things he showed interest in were the ducks at the zoo and riding the escalator. Could have done that at home!
Child, ages 3-5: Now your child cares about and appreciates his surroundings. He will love the beach, though will prefer the hotel pool. Disney World is debatable, though my 3-year old loved it. This age can still be easily entertained, so you could combine a trip you would enjoy with small side adventures for the kids, and they will be thrilled.
Child, ages 6-9: This is a golden time for kid-oriented family vacations. Your kids are in school full-time now, so you’re actually craving, and needing, more quality time together. They will remember, cherish, and enjoy it. Plus, they’ll be a real pain if they are bored on a less child-focused trip. Now, they want to be with you, want you to play with them all the time, and have an unlimited supply of energy. Load up on the memories and enjoy.
-TWM
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Living Off Winter's Harvest
We're in the midst of an "economic winter"- there's no denying it. There are no blantant opportunties blooming around us. No low-lying fruit to effortlessly pick off. No abundant harvest to reap.
It's winter, and we're all feeling it. As with all animals, it's time to bunker down, conserve, and ride it out in the faith that spring will come. And some of us are facing a much harsher climate than others.
However, nature has a way of providing animals a way to survive this season. For some, it's excess fat. Others: a stash of acorns. Still others, a long sleep.
Yes, it's winter for us, but we what many of us are forgetting is that we have also just came off a large harvest. While our money stash may no longer be there, we probably all still have a lot of STUFF that we've built up and never used. Stuff we've ignored, wasted, underappreciated, or squandered.
So now's the time to find that stash in your home and not just survive on it, but enjoy it. If you're anything like me, you'll be shocked at the amount of stuff you have hidden in your home that will carry you for a long time, in many different ways:
It's winter, and we're all feeling it. As with all animals, it's time to bunker down, conserve, and ride it out in the faith that spring will come. And some of us are facing a much harsher climate than others.
However, nature has a way of providing animals a way to survive this season. For some, it's excess fat. Others: a stash of acorns. Still others, a long sleep.
Yes, it's winter for us, but we what many of us are forgetting is that we have also just came off a large harvest. While our money stash may no longer be there, we probably all still have a lot of STUFF that we've built up and never used. Stuff we've ignored, wasted, underappreciated, or squandered.
So now's the time to find that stash in your home and not just survive on it, but enjoy it. If you're anything like me, you'll be shocked at the amount of stuff you have hidden in your home that will carry you for a long time, in many different ways:
- Food: Start here. Go through your freezer, pantry, and frig and make a list of all the ingredients you have. Then try to plan an entire month's worth of meals from it. With the exception of a few quick trips to the store for a very few items, I bet you can do it. If you need help, http://www.cookinglight.com/ has a feature where you can enter an ingredient you already have, and get a list of recipes using it. And remember, none of us facing bankruptcy or forclosure is too good for cheap coffee, frozen vegetables, or domestic beer!
- Toiletries: Inventory the half-used bottles of shampoo, toothpaste, lotion, hairspray, etc. and put them all in one place. Then use them. And they don't have to be your favorite brand.
- Clothes: Now is the time to
discover the other 90% of your closet. Spend an indulgent afternoon trying on absolutely everything you own, but, contrary to former advice, not with the purpose of getting rid of what you don't like, but in order to like what you already have. Make it work. And if some things seem out of date, try just changing the shoes and the belt- that can instantly update the whole look.
- Entertainment: This is probably a gold mine for you. Remember all the classic novels you bought and never read? The unfinished crafts in your basement? That huge pile of old music CD's? Pull them out and make yourself a pile, vowing to get through them before you go "consume" anything else. I will never, ever get through the great books I thought I couldn't live without...and never opened.
- Kids' Activities: Kids are even worse than we are about ignoring the abundance of toys and treasure around them, so they will need our help in this. It's all about the presentation. I went around my house and gathered up all the overlooked toys, books, coloring books, and crafts, and put them away in a closet. Now, every time my kids express boredom or criminal deprivation over not having something new, Voila! They appreciate the "new" toy (even if they recognize it) more than ever before. A good lesson for all of us.
Have fun with this. How wonderful that all of those purchases that seemed so important at the time are finally getting their day in the sun! And never overlook the positive environmental impact you are making by using what you already have.
In the words of Sheryl Crowe, "It's not getting want you want, it's wanting what you've got."
-The Wasteless Mom
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