Reclaimed Splurges for my Birthday

Last week, in honor of my own pending birthday, I made a pledge to myself to stop consuming new things until I stopped and enjoyed what I already have. So, therefore, day 1 of My New Life happened to be my birthday- a day not traditionally spent depriving oneself of little indulgences.

So, I have to say, that within 5 minutes of waking up, I was beginning to feel a bit depressed. Let me add that I woke up (alone, due to an out-of-town husband) to a child confessing to wetting the bed. Ah, luxury.

My attitude alone could have sabotaged the entire day, but once my head cleared, I was determined to make this a fantastic one- it was just a matter of finding my hidden “birthday gifts” within my own possessions. It took a while to get the hang of it, but what followed was truly a grace-filled, precious day of blessings.

My indulgent morning started with a stack of unread magazines, a travel mug of coffee, and a sadly underused treehouse- my private café! I then went to the spa, also known as my neglected gym. Instead of heading to the weights, I swam laps in the pool before actually taking the time to use the steam room, sauna, and hot tub. On the way home, instead of driving by my friend Jodi’s house, I stopped and knocked on the door. In our 20-minute visit, my loneliness was completely gone.

I indulged at lunch by actually taking the time to make myself a tomato and bread salad, all made from ingredients I was about to throw out. Dinner was a frozen pizza- an indulgence in calories and workload, as my kids ate it, too.

It may not sound like much, but I really had a great birthday. Best of all, the “gifts” I gave myself can be enjoyed again, now that I know they are there! Taking 10 minutes to sit in a tree house, read a magazine, visit a friend, relax in the sauna, or make a decent meal for myself are things I should always be doing…and I never would have had I given myself a more traditional alternative for treating myself.

How many other gifts in our lives are we passing by?

-TWM

Back When Parties Were Fun and Easy

Remember when we used to judge a party just by how big it was? When all we had to do to have a party was say, “Hey, I’m having a party Saturday night”, and maybe, maybe buy a keg?

And when we went to a party, we didn’t even notice the person’s house (sometimes we didn’t even know whose house it was) or whether or not there was food. We simply got excited about how many cars were lining the street and how loud the music was coming from the backyard.

We just noticed people.

I am, of course, talking about my single days (or college…or high school), and part of the allure of people meant, for me, guys. Nowadays, of course, I am not out scooping for guys (my husband will be happy to know), but I still think that we’ve lost something in our more mature married life in making get-togethers about the wrong things.

Nowadays, when we have a party, it’s so much more work. We are taught by countless magazine covers, talk shows, and Sunday morning columns that we need to have an immaculate house, be a fabulous cook, and carefully orchestrate the guest list, theme, and party décor to have a successful gathering. Now, I do know some women who pull this off beautifully, and actually seem to be enjoying themselves in the process, but for the rest of us, we tend to spend our own parties in mild state of hysteria trying to be something we’re not.

And here is the inherent problem, and the source of our stress: we have shifted the focus from our guests to ourselves, and honestly, we are all paying the price for this.

We are getting together less often. And when we do, it’s stressful and expensive. And not as much fun.

Now let me point out that this adult phenomenon does not occur everywhere. All over the world, and even in neighborhoods across the United States, there are people getting together regularly, in groups large and small, without any stress or large cost or maid service or decorating theme or even a single hour frantically scrubbing their bathrooms.

And here is the most likely place to find them: among people who are used to not having any money. Village festivals, large family reunions in playgrounds, neighbors in lawn chairs in the front yard, and, yes, twenty-nothings standing around a backyard keg- these gatherings all originate from the simple desire to just have fun, be together, and escape the daily grind. No one gets credit for a “fabulous spread” or “incredible hostessing skills” or “unbelievable house.”

And everyone has more fun.

So let’s all vow to get together this summer more often, and take some advice from people who know how to have a good time. Don’t worry about cleaning up- we don’t care. Just tell us what to bring over, and we’ll be there.

-TWM

A Free Education and Year of Entertainment in One Hour

I am a different kind of person when I’m reading a good book. No line at the grocery store, hour in a waiting room, or evening spent watching my husband channel surf is wasted, or begrudged- I have my book, and need nothing else.

The problem is, I don’t always have that good book, and so live in a state of mild discontent and wasted time until someone comes along with a good recommendation, or suddenly reach a breaking point where I grab my keys and my wallet and drive to Barnes and Noble, sanctimoniously turning down their offer to become a “member” for $25 extra for the third time this month because I “never come here.”

There is a better way, and it takes less than an hour and can cost nothing.

We just need a plan.

There is a free, fabulous education out there that will turn us into the best-read person we know and fill every minute of down-time in our lives with life-changing wisdom and entertainment. And all we need to do to get it is spend the next hour doing the following steps:

1. Gather up all the used paperbacks in our house, and put them in a box or paper grocery bag.

2. Locate a used book store in our city

3. Create a LIST of all the books we’d like to read, and print it out. The older the book, the more likely we’ll find it.

Here are some lists I’ve found:

For all those books we should have read in school but didn’t:

http://www.collegeboard.com/student/plan/boost-your-skills/23628.html

http://www.randomhouse.com/modernlibrary/100bestnovels.html

Or just to catch up on Oprah’s book club:

http://bestsellers.about.com/od/oprahsbookclub/a/oprah_book_list.htm

If we’d like to get our children in on the action:

http://kids.nypl.org/reading/recommended2.cfm?ListID=61

http://www.teachersfirst.com/100books.cfm


4. Now take our trade-ins to the used bookstore, open an account, and while they’re sorting through our books, hit the aisles with that list! Don’t be surprised when they give some books back- just find a place to donate them later.


Now…we should have an amazing stack of hours and hours of reading sitting by our beds, ready to be grabbed. When we get through it, we’ll go back to the bookstore, trade them in, and start all over.

Of course, the library is always there, too.

Now what else do we need to get us through the next year? Just a good cup of coffee or glass of wine, depending on the time of day, and we’re golden.
-TWM